Second Post Ever!!

Hooray for today! I'm so excited! Best Day Ever!

So yesterday, after Skinny Human stops making weirdo noise, Momma gets in the shower and she leaves the bathroom door open so Maggie and I can still run around the house. Maggie is being a butt (as usual), biting my neck and starting fights and stuff, so I decide to stay in the bathroom. Normally I stay in the bathroom anyway because I don't like to be too far away from people, and when there are no other humans in the house (like yesterday during showering time), there's no one to cuddle with or to save me from Buttface Maggie. So I stay in the bathroom and Maggie runs around and looks out the back door and barks at birds and runs to the front window and barks at squirrels and runs to the back door again, and sometimes she runs downstairs and runs back upstairs and stops at the back door and then goes back to the front window. None of that is particularly exciting, especially since I know that as soon as I walk out of the bathroom, Buttface Maggie is going to growl at me and leap at me and bite me on the neck.

So I stay in the bathroom and Momma takes a really, really, really long time in the shower. I don't even understand why she showers so much. All the humans shower so much, except Short Human, who doesn't shower very much at all, and then Momma and Skinny Human yell at him because they say he smells and Grumpa tells Short Human to get in the shower, but I don't really see the problem because he smells more interesting than the rest of them and I think that he's fun to sniff because you never know what you'll find!

Sometimes Maggie and I (when Maggie's not being a buttface) will jump on Short Human when he's laying down or sitting down and he thinks we really want to cuddle with him and we start sniffing him and we lick him and then we leave and we try to guess what we smelled or tasted, which is really a fun game when you've got nothing else to do but wait in the bathroom or look out the back door or front window. So I don't the problem that Short Human doesn't shower enough.

So I don't understand why humans shower so much. I hate baths. I like to smell like everywhere I've been because then other puppehs look up to me. Well, they still look down to me because everyone looks down to me (except Oscar, who is my size, which makes him think that he gets to sniff my GirlDogParts because "they're right there" and he is a creepo perv) but they look up to me. So I don't understand why humans shower so much.

Then, we follow Momma around while she's getting dressed and ready and stuff and she puts us outside because I think we're annoying her because we're following her around while she's getting dressed and ready and stuff but I hate being outside because I don't like being too far away from people so I scratch at the door right away and she lets me back in right away and I follow her around while she's getting dressed and ready and stuff.

After she finishes getting dressed and ready and stuff, Momma brings Maggie in and tells us to go in our kennels so we go in our kennels but we're not very happy about it and she leaves while we stay in our kennels. We stay in our kennels forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and then Grumpa comes home and we're freaking out because we're so excited because aren't you going to let us out, Grumpa, right, because we're still in our kennels and we're been here waiting patiently forever and ever? But Grumpa walks right past us and we sit in our kennels and wait forever and ever and ever while Grumpa goes back and forth to the kitchen and then to the bed in the room right next to us and we can hear you with your loud bright box-thing on making noise while we sit here, Grumpa, why can't you let us out?

Grumpa doesn't let us out, so we wait another forever and ever and ever and ever until Momma finally comes home and we're freaking out because we've been waiting patiently and she's shushing us and we can't be quiet because we're freaking out. She must have been gone really forever because she let us outside without leashes, which she only does when she's sure we won't bother other people or because she really feels guilty because Grumpa was a buttface and didn't let us out when he should have. So we go outside and Maggie runs into the next yard and she doesn't even run away and I stay really close to Momma because she's been gone forever and we were in our kennels forever and we really want to see her and play a little but mostly cuddle, and Momma cuddles with us forever and then we go to sleep.

The End!