Second Post Ever!!

Hooray for today! I'm so excited! Best Day Ever!

So yesterday, after Skinny Human stops making weirdo noise, Momma gets in the shower and she leaves the bathroom door open so Maggie and I can still run around the house. Maggie is being a butt (as usual), biting my neck and starting fights and stuff, so I decide to stay in the bathroom. Normally I stay in the bathroom anyway because I don't like to be too far away from people, and when there are no other humans in the house (like yesterday during showering time), there's no one to cuddle with or to save me from Buttface Maggie. So I stay in the bathroom and Maggie runs around and looks out the back door and barks at birds and runs to the front window and barks at squirrels and runs to the back door again, and sometimes she runs downstairs and runs back upstairs and stops at the back door and then goes back to the front window. None of that is particularly exciting, especially since I know that as soon as I walk out of the bathroom, Buttface Maggie is going to growl at me and leap at me and bite me on the neck.

So I stay in the bathroom and Momma takes a really, really, really long time in the shower. I don't even understand why she showers so much. All the humans shower so much, except Short Human, who doesn't shower very much at all, and then Momma and Skinny Human yell at him because they say he smells and Grumpa tells Short Human to get in the shower, but I don't really see the problem because he smells more interesting than the rest of them and I think that he's fun to sniff because you never know what you'll find!

Sometimes Maggie and I (when Maggie's not being a buttface) will jump on Short Human when he's laying down or sitting down and he thinks we really want to cuddle with him and we start sniffing him and we lick him and then we leave and we try to guess what we smelled or tasted, which is really a fun game when you've got nothing else to do but wait in the bathroom or look out the back door or front window. So I don't the problem that Short Human doesn't shower enough.

So I don't understand why humans shower so much. I hate baths. I like to smell like everywhere I've been because then other puppehs look up to me. Well, they still look down to me because everyone looks down to me (except Oscar, who is my size, which makes him think that he gets to sniff my GirlDogParts because "they're right there" and he is a creepo perv) but they look up to me. So I don't understand why humans shower so much.

Then, we follow Momma around while she's getting dressed and ready and stuff and she puts us outside because I think we're annoying her because we're following her around while she's getting dressed and ready and stuff but I hate being outside because I don't like being too far away from people so I scratch at the door right away and she lets me back in right away and I follow her around while she's getting dressed and ready and stuff.

After she finishes getting dressed and ready and stuff, Momma brings Maggie in and tells us to go in our kennels so we go in our kennels but we're not very happy about it and she leaves while we stay in our kennels. We stay in our kennels forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and then Grumpa comes home and we're freaking out because we're so excited because aren't you going to let us out, Grumpa, right, because we're still in our kennels and we're been here waiting patiently forever and ever? But Grumpa walks right past us and we sit in our kennels and wait forever and ever and ever while Grumpa goes back and forth to the kitchen and then to the bed in the room right next to us and we can hear you with your loud bright box-thing on making noise while we sit here, Grumpa, why can't you let us out?

Grumpa doesn't let us out, so we wait another forever and ever and ever and ever until Momma finally comes home and we're freaking out because we've been waiting patiently and she's shushing us and we can't be quiet because we're freaking out. She must have been gone really forever because she let us outside without leashes, which she only does when she's sure we won't bother other people or because she really feels guilty because Grumpa was a buttface and didn't let us out when he should have. So we go outside and Maggie runs into the next yard and she doesn't even run away and I stay really close to Momma because she's been gone forever and we were in our kennels forever and we really want to see her and play a little but mostly cuddle, and Momma cuddles with us forever and then we go to sleep.

The End!

First Post Ever!!

Helloz! I am Lexi. Today is the Best Day Ever! Why is it the Best Day Ever? Because it's today!
I am SO EXCITED to finally be writing my blog! I can tell you all about my puppy life.

I live with my buttface sister Maggie, Momma, Grumpa, and Skinny Human and Short Human. I also have a Gramma and she has 2 dogs (also buttfaces), but I don't see them too much.

I guess I can tell you about my days. Like yesterday. Yesterday was the Best Day Ever! Momma runs out of regular food, so I get pancakes! But I have to share with stupid Maggie :( .

Then Maggie and I go outside and run around the neighborhood without leashes, which is so crazy! When Momma let us outside, Maggie slips out of her collar and runs off, so I run after her. Momma isn't very happy about us running off because Maggie's always getting into trouble, so I decide to follow Maggie to help Momma out (she can't run fast enough to keep up with us).

So Maggie is running and I'm running and we run into the woods and we see a squirrel and we chase it and it runs up a tree, so we bark at it to come down but it won't so we run out of the woods because it's boring and maybe it's time to go home. But then Maggie runs past home, and Momma does not sound happy and says we're being annoying, so we run back, but Maggie passes home again. And then we run back into the woods and find another squirrel, but it runs up a tree, too. So we run back home and we find a dead bird in our yard, and that's really cool because it smells and stuff. I love animals. So we're sniffing this dead bird and kind of tossing it around, and Momma runs out at us saying "Stop! No! Gross!", so we had to get away from the bird. But, really, it wasn't gross at all. It was actually really cool, and if she had tried it I think she would have liked playing with it. So now it's boring because Momma won't let us play with the bird, so we go inside.

Momma keeps feeding us toast, sometimes with peanut butter (yum!), and we sit inside, and we cuddle, and we go outside (but no more running around like crazy like before), and we eat more toast and cuddle. Then I poop diarrhea on the floor (from the pancakes, but don't tell Momma because then she won't give me them any more) and Momma cleans it up. Then she cleans my butt because it's all furry and poop got stuck. That's no fun. I hate baths :( . But after that she cuddles with me again because I don't smell so bad!

Then we cuddle more and then I get more toast and then we go to bed.

So far today we've already been outside. Skinny Human is making weirdo loud noise with this shiny thing with a funnel on the end. He won't stop and it's super-annoying because I'm trying to nap. He's a butt.

The End!