Fifth Post Ever!!

Oh my goodness! Best Day Ever! I'm so sorry that it's taken so long for me to post today. Momma wouldn't let me get on the computer until this evening, but Short Human was on ALL NIGHT until now! Momma didn't even make him get off. I kept telling her "I have to write my blog!! What if people want to read my blog?! They can't read it because I can't write it!!" I would of told her that you'd be so mad at me, but I'm too cute for you to be mad.

I'll just skip to my stories from yesterday, which was the Best Day Ever, absolutely.

I wake up and Mean Kid is at my house because Short Human likes him. I don't know why. I hate him. I have always hated him. He's so mean. Whenever I seehim I bark and bark and bark until he goes away, but he usually doesn't go away so I bark and bark and act like he really better get out of here or I might do something crazy. Usually Mean Kid complains to Short Human and Short Human sticks me in a room or my kennel or something so Mean Kid can't see me because I'm so scary. Did I mention that Mean Kid smells? He always smells, not like Short Human smells, either. He smells like something gross, which is saying a lot because I eat poop.

So Mean Kid is here and I bark through the door (Maggie and Momma and I are still in the bedroom with the door closed) until he leaves. Nothing very exciting happens for a while after he leaves. Well, that's not true. Lots happens, and everything that happens is very exciting because it's the Best Day Ever! We play fetch, we run, we nap, we eat, and everything is very exciting. Then it gets BETTER!!!

Momma gets a collar and leash out, which means we're going somewhere! Maggie gets the leash and collar and I get nothing, which means we're going in the car (I'm a very good puppy and don't run away like crazy, so I don't need a leash)! I LOVE the car!!!! My favorite part is when Momma opens the window and I stick my head out! She keeps the windows closed because it's cold, but I still love riding in the car.

We drive to a house and get out, and the house is Toby's house! Toby's house is surrounded by woods and has a small fenced area which is small for Toby but perfect for Maggie and me. Toby is a big, huge boy dog and sometimes I like him, but sometimes he gets buttfacey and gross and sniffs too hard and we get scared because he's about ten times my size. Last night he tried sniffing me too hard after trying a couple other times, and Momma didn't stop him and I said "NO!!" and bark and snarl and he gets scared because I'm such a badass. He starts running away and Momma runs after me so he will stop bothering me because thinks I'm running from him. I'm not. Later Momma says "Poor Toby."

Toby's house is where Cuddle Man lives. He's the boy who cuddles with Momma. He has always cuddled with Momma since very soon after I knew her, which is a long time ago for me. Cuddle Man cuddles with Momma and cuddles with Maggie and cuddles with me, which is why I like him. He likes to say "Hhello Puppehs" and talk to me in his puppy voice, which is why I like him. I am his favorite, which is why I like him. He calls me Professor Wigglebutt because I'm so smart and understand him and because when I'm happy I wiggle my butt because I have no tail to wag. I'm really good at it and it is very cute.

Cuddle Man has pizza for Momma! And there is a Beardy Human sitting on the other couch. He must be from the same litter as Cuddle Man because he smells sort of the same. But Beardy Human like Maggie more and Cuddle Man loves me so much, so I ignore Beardy Man.

Momma and Maggie and I stay at Toby's house forever and ever, but Toby's mostly away from us because we are in a room with the door closed. Sometimes we go on the balcony and sometimes we go in the fenced area to pee, but mostly we are in the room with Momma and Cuddle Man, which gets very warm because Cuddle Man makes a fire. Thankfully Cuddle Man lets us go out on the balcony or Maggie and I would have been too hot the whole time.

More importantly, Momma has pizza! She leaves some on the plate, which I decide I will finish for her because she looks full. One piece smells too spicy, and I have a sensitive digestive tract, so I leave it alone. The other piece smells really good, so I grab the crust, which tears off the bottom of the piece, so Momma can still have pizza if she's hungry, but now she has less to eat because she looks so full. Momma gets sort of angry, but she can't be angry because I don't even make a mess and because I am so cute. Cuddle Man thinks all this is very funny because I'm his favorite. Thanks, Momma. The crust was really good.

After that, there is a lot of cuddling. A LOT.

I am very tired when we go home. Actually, I am sort of tired now. I think I need a puppy bedtime.

The End!

First Post Ever!!

Helloz! I am Lexi. Today is the Best Day Ever! Why is it the Best Day Ever? Because it's today!
I am SO EXCITED to finally be writing my blog! I can tell you all about my puppy life.

I live with my buttface sister Maggie, Momma, Grumpa, and Skinny Human and Short Human. I also have a Gramma and she has 2 dogs (also buttfaces), but I don't see them too much.

I guess I can tell you about my days. Like yesterday. Yesterday was the Best Day Ever! Momma runs out of regular food, so I get pancakes! But I have to share with stupid Maggie :( .

Then Maggie and I go outside and run around the neighborhood without leashes, which is so crazy! When Momma let us outside, Maggie slips out of her collar and runs off, so I run after her. Momma isn't very happy about us running off because Maggie's always getting into trouble, so I decide to follow Maggie to help Momma out (she can't run fast enough to keep up with us).

So Maggie is running and I'm running and we run into the woods and we see a squirrel and we chase it and it runs up a tree, so we bark at it to come down but it won't so we run out of the woods because it's boring and maybe it's time to go home. But then Maggie runs past home, and Momma does not sound happy and says we're being annoying, so we run back, but Maggie passes home again. And then we run back into the woods and find another squirrel, but it runs up a tree, too. So we run back home and we find a dead bird in our yard, and that's really cool because it smells and stuff. I love animals. So we're sniffing this dead bird and kind of tossing it around, and Momma runs out at us saying "Stop! No! Gross!", so we had to get away from the bird. But, really, it wasn't gross at all. It was actually really cool, and if she had tried it I think she would have liked playing with it. So now it's boring because Momma won't let us play with the bird, so we go inside.

Momma keeps feeding us toast, sometimes with peanut butter (yum!), and we sit inside, and we cuddle, and we go outside (but no more running around like crazy like before), and we eat more toast and cuddle. Then I poop diarrhea on the floor (from the pancakes, but don't tell Momma because then she won't give me them any more) and Momma cleans it up. Then she cleans my butt because it's all furry and poop got stuck. That's no fun. I hate baths :( . But after that she cuddles with me again because I don't smell so bad!

Then we cuddle more and then I get more toast and then we go to bed.

So far today we've already been outside. Skinny Human is making weirdo loud noise with this shiny thing with a funnel on the end. He won't stop and it's super-annoying because I'm trying to nap. He's a butt.

The End!