Seventh Post Ever!!

Yesterday is so exciting! I decided Best Day Ever! But it's just so darn cold...

Best thing about yesterday is the covers. Momma asks Maggie and me what we want to do yesterday morning, and we say "Outside!" So we go outside, but then we decide we are WRONG. It is so cold! Momma says I am a "cold-weather dog," but I don't believe her. Even Maggie doesn't want to stay, and she loves sitting outside. I guess it's too cold too waste time pretending something's interesting. Puppehs lose noses like that... they freeze and just fall right off.

Anyway, we go outside and decide inside is better. Momma asks us what do we want to do now? We say "Play!" Momma walks back to her bed instead and lays down. It's okay, though, because Maggie and I can play in the dark. So we play in the dark. Playing in the dark is okay, but Maggie is bigger than me and I don't see her coming because it's dark, so she pretty much lands on me whenever she jumps. So I lose. Then I lose again. I lose a couple more times before I decide to sneak under the bed so she can't jump on me any more. That works pretty well. After she misses me a few times, she gives up and goes to have breakfast.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting under the bed with nothing to do. When I notice Maggie isn't trying to attack any more, I make a break for above the bed where I know Momma is laying alone. When Momma is alone and sleepy early in the morning, she is very, very cuddly. I sneak in next to her and lay right against her side, and she lets me stay. Then she wraps her arm around my butt and pets me with her other hand. So one hand is cupping my butt fur and the other hand is petting my chest fur. It's a pretty good deal, but I figure I can get something else because she's pretty sleepy, but awake enough after feeling the cold that she won't go to sleep right away and decide to shun all puppehs.

I snuggle in really close and I move around and put my head on her pillow, to see if I can get away with it. Get this: She lets me! So I scoot my face close to hers and slide my nose half under her covers. This is really cuddly and warm. I guess Momma gets my hint because she lets me crawl under covers with her and snuggle where it's super-warm.

Unfortunately by this time Maggie is done eating and decides to be a buttface. She says to herself, Hmm... how can I be most buttfacey right now? I know! I'll find Lexi and spoil her fun! She does, too. Maggie comes up on the bed and lays next to Momma, and since Momma gives us everything equal and doesn't play favorites, she lets Maggie get under covers, too! Then Maggie starts stratching at Momma for attention. All that butt-cupping and chest petting? It ends so Buttface Maggie can have a stupid fair turn! A lot of times I wish Momma would play favorites because I'm sure she'd choose me because I'm best. I wouldn't have a blog if I wasn't best, right?

I guess I could tell you that eventually Maggie gets bored or hot or annoyed or something because she walks off to lay on the floor, but then you wouldn't have all sorts of sympathy for that cutie-little Lexi-puppy because her mean old big sister took away her perfect spot and warm attentions. So I won't tell you that part. I'll just tell you that I'm really sadz because Maggie was a buttface and Momma loves us equal even though I deserve more and don't you want to give me food and love and attention to make me feel better? Look how cute I am!

The End!

Sixth Post Ever!!

Good eveningz! So sorryz I could not write yesterday. It was the Best Day Ever, and I was so happy and too distracted to write! You see, I am a small and excitable puppy, and sometimes I forget things I need to do because life is so great and everything is wonderful! 

Maybe I’ll catch you all up on my past few days. Just so you know, they were the Best Day Ever. Momma is starting school again, so she leaves forever and Maggie and I go into kennels and she comes back and plays. 

The first day was Best Day Ever, but sort of a little boring. Momma wakes up late and Maggie and I are already awake, I’m a little bored. Then we go into kennels forever and ever to wait for Momma.

We wait forever for Momma to get home, but Short Human and Grumpa come back before her. That’s okay, though, because they let us run outside and when we come in Short Human lets me jump on his lap and cuddle close. Then I lick his face and he pets me. I’m very persuasive that way. 

When Momma gets home I think I’ll get all sorts of attention, but she just sits down on the couch and opens a book and looks at it. So I snuggle in beside her and Maggie gets on the other side and Momma is still looking at the book, which is definitely more boring than me. So Maggie and I rub our noses against Momma’s arms and Maggie lays on her arm, but Momma keeps looking at her boring, uncute book. Maggie lays her head on Momma’s chest, but Momma doesn’t even move her book, she just tells Maggie to move her nose! Maggie doesn’t want to move; She wants Momma to pet her, so she leaves her head where it is. Then Momma puts the book on her nose! And Maggie’s like “Fine then. I’ll just wait until you move it. You’ll move it. I’m so cute.” Momma didn’t move the book; Maggie moved her nose. Books won, and Momma read the rest of the night.

Yesterday was another Best Day Ever, too. Yesterday Momma wakes up and pets us in bed for a long time. When we go upstairs I smell something funny and I hear something moving: Cleaning Lady is here. I hate Cleaning Lady! She smells disinfecty and sour, which means she hates cuddling puppies.(People who love cuddling puppies smell sweet and warm.) 

I hate people who hate cuddling puppies. Mean Kid hates cuddling puppies (Remember him? He’s Short Human’s smelly friend). Did I tell you what I do to him? I bark and bark and snarl and tell him he better watch it or I’ll attack and do you really think you can take it? That’s what I do to Cleaning Lady: I bark at her to tell her she better get out of my house right now or else. I run up to her really fast while I’m barking and then I stop one puppy-length away so she knows I’m too dangerous to be close to her. Then I bark some more. If she tries to come close, I back up because if I get too close, I might do something crazy. If she backs away I let her go because darn right you’re backing away! 

She doesn’t really go anywhere, though. Momma just yells at me to get down here, so I go down there. But when I go back upstairs, I warn Cleaning Lady that she better watch herself and not bother Momma and me, OR ELSE. Momma yells at me again to leave her alone, so I guess I have to. I wish I could bark at her some more because I think she still needs to be taught a lesson. Things are too cushy for her.

Momma’s getting ready and Maggie and I are fighting over a toy, then we go upstairs and Momma says to get back over here, so I go back over there. Maggie and I go into kennels even though I’d rather stay out and keep an eye on Cleaning Lady because I don’t trust her at all and I’m sure that as soon as Momma leaves, Cleaning Lady will do something horribleterribleawful.

When we’re in kennels, we’re there forever and ever and ever and ever. Forever, for real. Grumpa and Short Human get back earlier than Momma again, luckily, and Maggie and I play with Short Human because Grumpa doesn’t want us to jump all over him, but Short Human doesn’t seem to mind.

Momma gets home really late, and all she wants to do is read. I’m so tired of reading. Oh, but then Grumpa and Short Human bring Momma dinnahz, and she has food and gives me the lid to her soup and Maggie and I both get bread! Really good, tough-crusty bread! I forgive her for the reading.

The End!

Fifth Post Ever!!

Oh my goodness! Best Day Ever! I'm so sorry that it's taken so long for me to post today. Momma wouldn't let me get on the computer until this evening, but Short Human was on ALL NIGHT until now! Momma didn't even make him get off. I kept telling her "I have to write my blog!! What if people want to read my blog?! They can't read it because I can't write it!!" I would of told her that you'd be so mad at me, but I'm too cute for you to be mad.

I'll just skip to my stories from yesterday, which was the Best Day Ever, absolutely.

I wake up and Mean Kid is at my house because Short Human likes him. I don't know why. I hate him. I have always hated him. He's so mean. Whenever I seehim I bark and bark and bark until he goes away, but he usually doesn't go away so I bark and bark and act like he really better get out of here or I might do something crazy. Usually Mean Kid complains to Short Human and Short Human sticks me in a room or my kennel or something so Mean Kid can't see me because I'm so scary. Did I mention that Mean Kid smells? He always smells, not like Short Human smells, either. He smells like something gross, which is saying a lot because I eat poop.

So Mean Kid is here and I bark through the door (Maggie and Momma and I are still in the bedroom with the door closed) until he leaves. Nothing very exciting happens for a while after he leaves. Well, that's not true. Lots happens, and everything that happens is very exciting because it's the Best Day Ever! We play fetch, we run, we nap, we eat, and everything is very exciting. Then it gets BETTER!!!

Momma gets a collar and leash out, which means we're going somewhere! Maggie gets the leash and collar and I get nothing, which means we're going in the car (I'm a very good puppy and don't run away like crazy, so I don't need a leash)! I LOVE the car!!!! My favorite part is when Momma opens the window and I stick my head out! She keeps the windows closed because it's cold, but I still love riding in the car.

We drive to a house and get out, and the house is Toby's house! Toby's house is surrounded by woods and has a small fenced area which is small for Toby but perfect for Maggie and me. Toby is a big, huge boy dog and sometimes I like him, but sometimes he gets buttfacey and gross and sniffs too hard and we get scared because he's about ten times my size. Last night he tried sniffing me too hard after trying a couple other times, and Momma didn't stop him and I said "NO!!" and bark and snarl and he gets scared because I'm such a badass. He starts running away and Momma runs after me so he will stop bothering me because thinks I'm running from him. I'm not. Later Momma says "Poor Toby."

Toby's house is where Cuddle Man lives. He's the boy who cuddles with Momma. He has always cuddled with Momma since very soon after I knew her, which is a long time ago for me. Cuddle Man cuddles with Momma and cuddles with Maggie and cuddles with me, which is why I like him. He likes to say "Hhello Puppehs" and talk to me in his puppy voice, which is why I like him. I am his favorite, which is why I like him. He calls me Professor Wigglebutt because I'm so smart and understand him and because when I'm happy I wiggle my butt because I have no tail to wag. I'm really good at it and it is very cute.

Cuddle Man has pizza for Momma! And there is a Beardy Human sitting on the other couch. He must be from the same litter as Cuddle Man because he smells sort of the same. But Beardy Human like Maggie more and Cuddle Man loves me so much, so I ignore Beardy Man.

Momma and Maggie and I stay at Toby's house forever and ever, but Toby's mostly away from us because we are in a room with the door closed. Sometimes we go on the balcony and sometimes we go in the fenced area to pee, but mostly we are in the room with Momma and Cuddle Man, which gets very warm because Cuddle Man makes a fire. Thankfully Cuddle Man lets us go out on the balcony or Maggie and I would have been too hot the whole time.

More importantly, Momma has pizza! She leaves some on the plate, which I decide I will finish for her because she looks full. One piece smells too spicy, and I have a sensitive digestive tract, so I leave it alone. The other piece smells really good, so I grab the crust, which tears off the bottom of the piece, so Momma can still have pizza if she's hungry, but now she has less to eat because she looks so full. Momma gets sort of angry, but she can't be angry because I don't even make a mess and because I am so cute. Cuddle Man thinks all this is very funny because I'm his favorite. Thanks, Momma. The crust was really good.

After that, there is a lot of cuddling. A LOT.

I am very tired when we go home. Actually, I am sort of tired now. I think I need a puppy bedtime.

The End!

Fourth Post Ever!!

Hooray! Another day! Best Day Ever!

Yesterday was so good, too! Remember? Best Day Ever! So we wake up and it’s not too late and Momma gets a phone call and when she gets off the phone she isn’t very happy. And that’s not the Best Day Ever part, of course, but she gives us smacks because she feels angry. Oops, no, snacks. Snacks. We get snacks when Momma makes toast: she gives Maggie and me our own toasts. 

Since we woke up earlier, after we have breakfast and snacks and run around and play, I take a nap with Momma and Maggie. I’m sleepy and I lay my head next to Momma’s leg on the couch and she pets me while I fall asleep next to her. Then I wake up and she pets me more!

Momma starts getting ready to leave, which isn’t exciting, except that she gives me some crackers while I sit outside the shower. And she says that Skinny Human will come check on us and let us out to play and pee, so we won’t be stuck forever in kennels for very long. So we wait forever and ever and ever and Skinny Human never shows up. No one ever shows up. Then Grumpa shows up and lets us out. 

When Momma comes home, Maggie is so excited and I am so excited, too. We go outside and run around and Maggie stays close, so we run and play together in our yard and the next yards. Maggie starts getting really rowdy and jumping on me and trying to bite me and I don’t want to play that rough so I try to run away. 

Even though Maggie is slower than me, she catches me because I’m trying to run in circles. I run behind Momma and Maggie runs after me and then I run to the other side, but Momma is standing with her legs apart, so Maggie runs through them to get me. So I decide to run between Momma’s legs, and maybe I can stand between them and Momma will protect me. That doesn’t work either. My head’s sticking out and Maggie bites my neck, so I turn around. But then my butt’s sticking out and Maggie nips at my back legs. 

Then I decide to run into the house because I don’t think Maggie will follow me. She does, and then I run to lose her and go inside. Later, when Maggie comes in, she catches me anyway. I jump on the bed to get away from her, and when she jumps on to get me, I jump off and crawl under the bed. I know I’m complaining about it because she Maggie’s sort of annoying, but I do like her. Actually, I thought it was all sort of fun.

The End!

Third Post Ever!!

It's another Best Day Ever!

Momma slept forever in the morning yesterday, but after she got up we had fun.

Momma decides to make toast for breakfast, so we get some. The toast is really yummy because she put butter on it. I love butter on toast! And I go outside but it isn't very interesting so I come back inside right away. Then I write my blog (isn't it funny that I'm writing in my blog now about writing in my blog?! What's the word... meta?).

It seems like yesterday was kind of boring.

I know! After my blog, I cuddle with Momma! That's right... Maggie decides that she wants to stay outside and sit and look. It's weird. She sits on the cold ground and looks at the stuff outside. There's not a lot of stuff outside, and it doesn't ever seem to change. I think she just stares at the back of the other houses and at fences and at trees. That doesn't seem exciting. I never ask her about it because I'm worried that she'll get angry if I do, and then she'll probably try to beat me up. But she stays outside for a really long time (and she does this a lot)! I wonder if she sits outside for so long so that we think that there's something really interesting that she's looking at, even though there isn't? Like she's trying to fool us into thinking that her life is so much more exciting then ours because she sits outside for hours and we don't.

No matter; I get to cuddle with Momma. Ooh! After Maggie comes in it's time for dinner (I told you Momma slept forever: Our breakfast-time was everyone else's lunch). Momma makes eggs! We get some! We eat them! They are so good! Yum eggs! We get more toast with butter, which is good too, but never as yummy as eggs. Yum eggs!

Then Momma showers (Again! She did this the day before, too!), then we play a little fetch, then she leaves. I wait forever and ever and ever for her to get back. Guess what? She's back! I go outside and Maggie goes outside, but Maggie decides to run around forever and I lose track of her. So Momma takes me back inside and we cuddle! Alone! Twice in one day! So, really, even though Momma gets kind of annoyed at Maggie sometimes, and even though sometimes I'd rather just go to sleep, it's sort of okay that Maggie runs around like crazy and forever because that means I get special cuddle time.

When Maggie finally comes inside, Momma is carrying a bunch of stuff downstairs, like a coat and a bag and our food bowl and something else-- and I don't know how it happens because she doesn't trip over me or nothin'-- but she spills our food bowl and food goes everywhere. Momma's not happy about the mess. Luckily, it's right outside our bedroom, so she just sweeps it inside and we eat it off the floor. We were just going to eat it from the bowl anyway, right? Now it's like a meal and a game! Like... Hide and Go Eat.

The End!

Second Post Ever!!

Hooray for today! I'm so excited! Best Day Ever!

So yesterday, after Skinny Human stops making weirdo noise, Momma gets in the shower and she leaves the bathroom door open so Maggie and I can still run around the house. Maggie is being a butt (as usual), biting my neck and starting fights and stuff, so I decide to stay in the bathroom. Normally I stay in the bathroom anyway because I don't like to be too far away from people, and when there are no other humans in the house (like yesterday during showering time), there's no one to cuddle with or to save me from Buttface Maggie. So I stay in the bathroom and Maggie runs around and looks out the back door and barks at birds and runs to the front window and barks at squirrels and runs to the back door again, and sometimes she runs downstairs and runs back upstairs and stops at the back door and then goes back to the front window. None of that is particularly exciting, especially since I know that as soon as I walk out of the bathroom, Buttface Maggie is going to growl at me and leap at me and bite me on the neck.

So I stay in the bathroom and Momma takes a really, really, really long time in the shower. I don't even understand why she showers so much. All the humans shower so much, except Short Human, who doesn't shower very much at all, and then Momma and Skinny Human yell at him because they say he smells and Grumpa tells Short Human to get in the shower, but I don't really see the problem because he smells more interesting than the rest of them and I think that he's fun to sniff because you never know what you'll find!

Sometimes Maggie and I (when Maggie's not being a buttface) will jump on Short Human when he's laying down or sitting down and he thinks we really want to cuddle with him and we start sniffing him and we lick him and then we leave and we try to guess what we smelled or tasted, which is really a fun game when you've got nothing else to do but wait in the bathroom or look out the back door or front window. So I don't the problem that Short Human doesn't shower enough.

So I don't understand why humans shower so much. I hate baths. I like to smell like everywhere I've been because then other puppehs look up to me. Well, they still look down to me because everyone looks down to me (except Oscar, who is my size, which makes him think that he gets to sniff my GirlDogParts because "they're right there" and he is a creepo perv) but they look up to me. So I don't understand why humans shower so much.

Then, we follow Momma around while she's getting dressed and ready and stuff and she puts us outside because I think we're annoying her because we're following her around while she's getting dressed and ready and stuff but I hate being outside because I don't like being too far away from people so I scratch at the door right away and she lets me back in right away and I follow her around while she's getting dressed and ready and stuff.

After she finishes getting dressed and ready and stuff, Momma brings Maggie in and tells us to go in our kennels so we go in our kennels but we're not very happy about it and she leaves while we stay in our kennels. We stay in our kennels forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and then Grumpa comes home and we're freaking out because we're so excited because aren't you going to let us out, Grumpa, right, because we're still in our kennels and we're been here waiting patiently forever and ever? But Grumpa walks right past us and we sit in our kennels and wait forever and ever and ever while Grumpa goes back and forth to the kitchen and then to the bed in the room right next to us and we can hear you with your loud bright box-thing on making noise while we sit here, Grumpa, why can't you let us out?

Grumpa doesn't let us out, so we wait another forever and ever and ever and ever until Momma finally comes home and we're freaking out because we've been waiting patiently and she's shushing us and we can't be quiet because we're freaking out. She must have been gone really forever because she let us outside without leashes, which she only does when she's sure we won't bother other people or because she really feels guilty because Grumpa was a buttface and didn't let us out when he should have. So we go outside and Maggie runs into the next yard and she doesn't even run away and I stay really close to Momma because she's been gone forever and we were in our kennels forever and we really want to see her and play a little but mostly cuddle, and Momma cuddles with us forever and then we go to sleep.

The End!

First Post Ever!!

Helloz! I am Lexi. Today is the Best Day Ever! Why is it the Best Day Ever? Because it's today!
I am SO EXCITED to finally be writing my blog! I can tell you all about my puppy life.

I live with my buttface sister Maggie, Momma, Grumpa, and Skinny Human and Short Human. I also have a Gramma and she has 2 dogs (also buttfaces), but I don't see them too much.

I guess I can tell you about my days. Like yesterday. Yesterday was the Best Day Ever! Momma runs out of regular food, so I get pancakes! But I have to share with stupid Maggie :( .

Then Maggie and I go outside and run around the neighborhood without leashes, which is so crazy! When Momma let us outside, Maggie slips out of her collar and runs off, so I run after her. Momma isn't very happy about us running off because Maggie's always getting into trouble, so I decide to follow Maggie to help Momma out (she can't run fast enough to keep up with us).

So Maggie is running and I'm running and we run into the woods and we see a squirrel and we chase it and it runs up a tree, so we bark at it to come down but it won't so we run out of the woods because it's boring and maybe it's time to go home. But then Maggie runs past home, and Momma does not sound happy and says we're being annoying, so we run back, but Maggie passes home again. And then we run back into the woods and find another squirrel, but it runs up a tree, too. So we run back home and we find a dead bird in our yard, and that's really cool because it smells and stuff. I love animals. So we're sniffing this dead bird and kind of tossing it around, and Momma runs out at us saying "Stop! No! Gross!", so we had to get away from the bird. But, really, it wasn't gross at all. It was actually really cool, and if she had tried it I think she would have liked playing with it. So now it's boring because Momma won't let us play with the bird, so we go inside.

Momma keeps feeding us toast, sometimes with peanut butter (yum!), and we sit inside, and we cuddle, and we go outside (but no more running around like crazy like before), and we eat more toast and cuddle. Then I poop diarrhea on the floor (from the pancakes, but don't tell Momma because then she won't give me them any more) and Momma cleans it up. Then she cleans my butt because it's all furry and poop got stuck. That's no fun. I hate baths :( . But after that she cuddles with me again because I don't smell so bad!

Then we cuddle more and then I get more toast and then we go to bed.

So far today we've already been outside. Skinny Human is making weirdo loud noise with this shiny thing with a funnel on the end. He won't stop and it's super-annoying because I'm trying to nap. He's a butt.

The End!